Before I sleep, I study. After I sleep, I study. Sometimes I don’t even sleep just to study. Hence, my brother thinks I’m gonna go crazy anytime soon and I don’t blame him from having that thought. I too, think I’m gonna go out of my mind, if not today then sometime in the nearest future.
Because whatever we are doing everyday, I tell you, it can cause someone’s physical or mental breakdown. It could friggin’ shut us down anytime, it’s scary! But what can we do, we dream too damn high and this is the price we have to pay. We can just cry about it but still work hard.
I have the most generous sister ever! She just continues to shower me with everything that I cannot have before. I am not boasting or anything. I am just genuinely happy that I am so blessed this year. True, another member of the family had to leave the country (and it had to be the person I love the most- my mom) but in return I get to be spoiled by my loving sister. Not that I am happy my mom left, of course not! There are randoms nights that I cry because I want to hug her. But the fact that they compensate it with some material things makes it more bearable, makes me feel loved nonetheless because I know they think about me when they buy me stuff. I know it sounded so shallow and materialistic. Point is, I am glad they always have us in their thoughts no matter how far they are. I love my mom and my sister. If only they could read this.
And for the nth time I broke my promise to myself not to let anybody take me for granted. Wtf am I doing to myself? Why do I continue to let other people do this to me? Then have the guts to forgive them in an instant anyway, make them feel better even, like nothing happened, that I am okay when I shouldn’t be. I am so nice, it’s unbelievable! (Grabe na kapal ng fes ko)
Oh well papel. I’ll take my revenge someday. All you bullies and dominant-feeling people better be ready! There will come a day when not even a cockroach can take advantage of me; when I can finally end my seemingly immortal patience; when my kindness will get tired of all those people who bullshit me.
Feeling mala-brave tonight. I had a long irritating day please bear with me and my exaggerations.